Saturday, April 21, 2007

Self-consciousness

I shouldn't write about self-consciousness when I'm barely conscious at all, having just done my longest, hardest workout yet, about which more, briefly, in a sec.

But I was reflecting, as I biked today, on the issue of self-consciousness, that scourge of fear and anxiety about how others might judge us, that prevents us from enjoying life and trying anything new and unfamiliar. How many times, indeed, have I been laughed at, have I felt like I've made a fool of myself? Many, for sure. And how many times have I let that hold me back from experiencing life to the fullest? Many, in the past, but no more. How about you?

There is no doubt that I don't look like an athlete when I'm out there in my shiny spandex shorts. With my genetic endowments, I probably never will - these thighs will never be thin.

I think having some theater and dance background helps in overcoming this problem - one gets accustomed to putting onesself out there in front of an audience. But it's getting outside your comfort zone that's frightening - singing a solo part, as I tried, not very successfully, a few years ago in "Gondoliers," or lining up with 500+ lean and speedy athletes, six weeks from now (!) to compete. I'd write more about this, but suddenly realized I have to go lie down - having swam 550 yards, biked 10 miles (mostly hills, around Sharon) and run for 25 minutes, I'm done in!

2 comments:

RUTH said...

My biggest problem is being self concious...I am convinced when I walk in a room of strangers everyone is sniggering at me...or that anything I say seems banal or trivial....I think it all stems from my ubringing...to my parents nothing but perfect at everything was good enough! I think that's why I enjoy blogging...no one cares what you look like or sound like. Mind you even then I feel a bit selfconcious when commenting on really intelligent peoples blogs!!!
{{{HUGS}}}
Rx

Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

I feel the same way!! One thing that I've learned is that the triathlete community is actually a bunch of really nice, supportive folks. A lesson that I keep learning and relearning is to focus on how far I've come and not compare myself to others. Sounds like you've come a long way so far and the journey is really just starting! How cool is that?!?!